My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
