Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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