I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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