My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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