Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
