the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize