I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
