guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
