I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
