Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just got carded by a ten year old.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
