i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Found the puke drawer
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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