so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
honey bunches of taint.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
