Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
