I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
