i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
