honey bunches of taint.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize