i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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