just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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