So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
