hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
