i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
