Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
