Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
