just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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