You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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