Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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