I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
