Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize