she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
