I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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