i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
