i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
