I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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