Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
