Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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