it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize