if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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