You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
false alarm, still single
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
