At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
