she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
