Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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