So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
