Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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