guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
