You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize