I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
