I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
