Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
