Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
