he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
