Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
