I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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