She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
