Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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