I wish I could teleport
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
