That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
