i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
