his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
