yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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