I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Someone shattered a urinal.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
