every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So here I am, sexting at work.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
