Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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