So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
