i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
