I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
