There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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