pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We were destined to go to rehab together
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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