I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Welp...herpes.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
