I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
