You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
