Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
