my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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