I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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