You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
