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Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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